Well last week was better then this week. Though I did have a good week mentally, when it came to the weight loss front I didn't do so well. I gained 1.2 lbs. The reason for this was that I wasn't eating enough food. I didn't get all of my points in for the week. My goal this week is to eat every single point and to walk at least 20 minutes a day and we will see how that goes.
My mother blames herself for this in part because when we went camping she did the shopping and she shopped for her points value for the days that we were gone, not mine so we really didn't have enough food. I blame myself because I wasn't awake to go with her to help pick out the food, I feel that if I had gone things would of been different.
We did have a great time though. I believe that traveling and camping, if you have to do it, should be done in an RV. It was a very nice experience for me. I had so much fun. Mom and I talked about everything under the sun, we had such long great conversations. I really enjoyed it. We went up to Anthony NM because her hydraulics system was leaking and they told her that if she brought it to them to fix it would only be a $50 deductible so we packed up the RV and went to RV World to get it fixed. They also fixed some other things on the RV while we were there and mom went shopping and bought a bike for when she goes RVing and can't get around cause once you park an RV in a park it is meant to stay there until you are ready to either go home or move onto the next park.
Mom plans to take the RV to go see my brother over spring break here in about 3 weeks and she would love for me to go with her but since I have been having trouble with my heart she wanted to see how I would handle it. I think I did fine though my heart did bother me one day while we were up there. I so want to go with her and am hoping when I go see my doctor it won't be anything to bad and I can go with her. She will be one 12 days. Michael isn't looking forward to it if I get to go though, he isn't use to being separated from me at all.
I do have a doctors appointment today at 10:45 am. I am going to see a female doctor at the new clinic here as the doctor I wanted to go see is currently full up and not excepting new patients. I really wanted her because my mother says she is a great doctor and that she really listens to what is wrong with her patients and tries her best to help them. I'm very scared, and ashamed, I don't want people seeing me the way I am right now. I weigh to much for my own good and though I am working on getting it off it still bothers me when I have to be seen by other people. I'm always wondering what they are thinking when they see me and are they sneering at me. Its really nerve racking and belittling to my self esteem. I know I really shouldn't care what others think of me but its hard not to.
I am so grateful for my mother, without her I don't think I could face the world. She is my rock right now, and my shelter. When I think I can't do something she is there encouraging me all the while to never give up.
I am gathering information so that I can file for disability. That is the other reason I'm going to the doctor other then my heart bothering me. I have to have surgery in the future to remove these hernias and I am going to need coverage, also if there is something seriously wrong with my heart it is best to be covered then to suffer. My mother is terrified that it is something serious, that is another reason why she wants me to get checked out. She doesn't want me to go to Idaho with her to see my brother and then drop dead of a heart attack in the middle of no where. I'm going to the doc to get some answers and to see what is wrong with me. I guess we will see.
Well that is enough for one week, I will post more next Wednesday.
Hugs, Love and Light
Tracey
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